It has come to my attention that my grandmother has been saying horrible things about me. Just when I thought that we were patching things up and trying to move forward she starts at it again. I have come to my breaking point. I love that woman dearly but as of right now I cannot fuck with her. Since my grandfather has taken terribly ill I have to see her, but I really do not know what to say to her. Any word that comes out of my mouth gets skewed and it because a big argument I moved out to avoid the drama to give her some space.
Honestly, I feel like a lot of her aggression towards me is because I left. My mother left and started her life, my uncle is gone with his family, and me…was I supposed to stay forever? Nevertheless, I did leave, that woman put me through pure hell and she doesn’t stop. She’s relentless. All of this extra bullshit has my head pounding and my heart heavy. All I want is to have my family back the way things used to be. But, so much shit has happened those days are long gone. I just have to adjust get used to it just being…me.
Today I am tired of the extra drama, unnecessary bullshit, and craziness that still tends to follow me. I am realizing that my grandmother will always be my grandmother and I should just take a step back. Let things marinate. Give it space. Give her space. Give myself some space. Because, I don’t want this knot in the pit of my stomach to turn to hate. I don’t want that. I love her but right now at this point in time I can’t fuck with her.